Wifemanship

So I have been reading this book called, “The Secret Lives of Wives” by Iris Krasnow, and the reading is reeeeeally interesting for both women and men. The book discusses what it takes for a marriage to stand the test of time, and it seems that many women remain committed to their husbands because they have decided to “put up with it” for the sake of being married. The women have weighed their odds and are dedicated to ‘being married’ (whether or not couples remain sexually committed to each other is another story). To tell you the truth, I can see the points the women of Krasnow’s composition make.

Now, I know a few months ago I wrote an article detailing my apprehension toward marriage nowadays, both for myself, as well as others. But if I were to take that leap of faith, I could absolutely see how staying married despite the disparity from the blissful wedding day vows would be more favorable than divorce. I don’t know about you guys, but it does ring true that the grass ISN’T always greener.  Some of the women in Ms. Krasnow’s book, as well as some of my friends, have confided, “I wouldn’t have gotten a divorce if I knew, then, what I know now.” How many of you have heard this from someone you know? I’m willing to bet a majority! Yet I am quite confident that many of you also know others who are in far better situations post-divorce than prior. Just as getting married is an individual decision (within the couple) so is getting divorced. There isn’t one right answer.

From what I have observed, the knowledge required to know whether it is better to remain married (or even to get married in the first place) seems to come with age and wisdom. I can’t speak from experience, as I have never been married, but it appears that those who are older or who’ve had nuptial experience are more relaxed about the actions of their spouses as well as themselves. With age, seems to bring the ideal that: 1) things need to stay exciting somehow and 2) certain behaviors really aren’t all that bad. For many couples, the length of a marriage boils down to the simple goal of wanting to stay married combined with the comfort of being in a married state physically, emotionally, and financially.

The women described in Krasnow’s pages aren’t trying to be flippant about marriage; the sentiment is more “you do what you gotta do.” That sentiment is how most marriages last because if one doesn’t believe that marriage is extremely hard work with some great rewards mixed in then (s)he may be in for a shocker if and when (s)he walks down the aisle. Is it worth it to get married? That, my dears, I cannot answer for you (hell, I’m still trying to decide for myself!). However, I would say that knowing it is normal to have both really good times and really bad times and knowing that you may fall in and out of love with your significant other throughout a marriage IS OKAY. The decision to stick it out through those “out of love” or “bad” moments in life is your call. Just ask yourself, “what am I willing to put up with it?” And at the same time don’t forget no one is perfect. They just need to be perfect enough. Good luck in whatever path you choose!

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